Thursday, September 15, 2005

Wherever I lay my hat that's my home

Here's a bit of history for you....

1980 - Born in London (December)
1980/1984 - Lived in Sidcup till the age of 3.
1984/1986 - Moved to Doha, Qatar, till the age of 5.
1986 - Returned to England to live in Ramsgate, Kent.
1999 - Moved to Chichester age 18 to study at University.
1999/2002 - Completed my degree.
2002/2003 - Elected as Vice-President for the Students' Union (1 year term).
2003/2004 - Worked as Bars and Entertainments Assistant Manager at the University.
2004 - Moved back to Ramsgate.

Ramsgate has always been my home town and will always be the place that I grew up in but Chichester also has a place in my heart. The thing is that I loved my time in Chichester and spent 5 years there, but by the end of that time I was missing Ramsgate. I could've stayed but I had felt a rot settling in and had to leave to save myself. There was another reason for me to move back to Ramsgate and that was because my Mother and Grandmother also live there.

They both lived in the same house and this is where I moved back to. My Grandma was very ill and I think it helped that I was home to help my Mum whose responsibility it was to look after this bed-ridden old women, who had in her earlier years been the live and soul of the party, but in her latter years had been ravaged by Parkinson's Disease, stokes, and also arthritis . Sadly she died in December 2004, but I thank God that I was there to be able to be at her side at the hospital, to tell her I loved her, and to reassure her everything was alright. If I had still been living in Chichester I may not have been there for her and I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself. It was also good to be able to support my Mother at a time like that.

I am still living with my Mum, and we get by quite well, but it is times like now that I start to miss Chichester. I have got a lot of friends here but I only really see them at weekends so I think it is loneliness that is giving me these feelings for Chichester, where my life revolved around a place heaving with youngsters who are all experiencing something new, which in turn added something to my life. I am fed up with Ramsgate as it never changes, or maybe it is me that never changes. I am in a job where I spend most of the time by myself in a small office, and I think I need something new to put the spark back into me.

I'm looking into new avenues for job prospects and ultimately I keep coming back to the same areas. The only problem is that I can't commit myself to jumping into something, and it will ultimately have to be something which will start off working around my present jobs, the ones that pay the bills. Do I risk it all and follow my dreams, or do I stick with the status quo and keep doing what I'm doing?

The area I'm interested in is promotion and design. When I get the chance to work with Dreamweaver or Photoshop I become more animated and can spend hours working on something, perfecting it, and making someone else happy. I have mainly done small websites for bands, or people I know, and really enjoy designing something which has been transplanted from their ideas into something physical. I've just got an email from an old friend who needs a website for his band, and so I'm going to work on that later.

Another reason why these homesick feeling for Chichester have come up is that most of the people's sites I run are from Chichester, as it is where I learnt about t'web. I could honestly see myself living back in Chichester but what about the sacrifices I'd have to make to leave here?...my friends and my family.

At the end of the day nothing will probably come of this post and it will be resigned to history, but I will be visiting Chichester again on October 7th and we'll see what happens then. In the meantime I think this post has helped me a bit and I'll try and get my head into the correct mindset and try and be the person I was a few years ago, still me, but having more fun, and more self-assured.

Thanks for listening reading

10 comments:

Phil said...

Dude, I can totally relate. Especially now. I haven't heard from my core friends since the semester started, I miss 'em but Chi is a place that'll suck you in and never let you go.

Come down to Bournemouth for a weekend, we'll live it up. You're always welcome. And if you want, I'm looking to get my own gaff soon, and I was gonna start promoting local bands. The scene here is pretty good. Be good to live and work with a friend.

adem said...

I may have to take you up on the visit. If you want any help with the band stuff then I'd be please to do web-stuff etc.

I'm going to be doing a site for Busson's banf 'The Shags' soon.

I think I may just need to get away from Ramsgate for a bit to clear my head, but I'm going to be busy for a while till I can get my holidys.

Cheers dude,

Lord Bargain said...

do all the things you fancy doing now whilst you have a safety net of sorts to land in.

There's tons of middle-aged life to do boring things, my friend.

Not sure how far a band called "The Shags" is going to get, though.

Ginny said...

The most important thing you can do is to follow your dreams!

It's worth it to take the chance and say "I did it", and if it doesn't work out you can say "I tried it". Never be that grumpy old man that regrets never having taken the chance, and wished he had.

I have taken lots of business chances - some successful and some not, but I have never regretted trying.

Flash said...

Take it from a 35 year old has-never-been would who slit his own throat for the chance to try agin...
Follow your dreams.

Phil said...

Whenever you want to come down, just get in touch. It'd be real good to see you. And this to these guys, they're good folk. What have you really got to lose?

Lord Bargain said...

oh, and my motto?

"Better to regret something you have done than something you haven't".

wise words, mate.

adem said...

That used to be my motto, but it's a lot scarier if you do do stuff.

We'll see what happens over the next couple of months, and if I can be serious about trying something new and different.

tom said...

Mate, we should have a serious chat about stuff. I hate my work more than you could imagine, it is so full of backstabbing, pettiness and politics, and it's only a sodding secondary school! I'm determined that there is something better for me where I can make a living for myself, or better still, with someone I know and (not in a gay way mind) love and who shares the same visions. If we are to stick around, there has to be a reason for it other than 'friends and family' because eventually all of your mates will bugger off anyway, not because they are not really friends but because that's what adults do, especially female influenced ones(!), and your family will love you now matter how often you see them, and they know that you will always be there for them if you need them, and you know you'll always be welcome. Make the reason a real one, or get out of this shit hole and live the life you want to live.

And I'll back you all the way. ;o)

adem said...

Tom you've done a scarey dan smiley face thingy at the end of your comment. I was with you all the way until then!