Friday, November 04, 2005

Step 2: Instead of shit say poo, as in "bull poo", "poo head" and this "poo is cold"

Here's another brilliant post on a scientific tangent today....well kind of.

Blogland is an open place where you can talk about anything so I'm going to exercise my right and talk about defecation. [if this offends then stop reading here]

All week I've been feeling quite ill with a sore throat (I'm prone to throat infections when I get tired and exhausted) and also dull headaches and general dull aches in my joints. I'm not moaning but it's at times like this that I will generally eat comfort food which contains things that make me feel better (in the short term). These food items include burgers, chocolate, icecream and generally not anything healthy. The sugar and fat contents in these give me a high that will make me feel immediately a lot better but after a few hours result in me feeling sluggish both physically and mentally. It also leads to a catch-22 scenario whereby I'm eating bad food to feel better but in fact it makes me feel worse.

Now onto the poo bit. It makes sense that you can tell how you are doing in the health stakes by examining your feces. Not in a sicko scat kinda way but just a quick look before flushing. Yesterday I went for a number 2 at work and damn it the old fella wouldn't flush, he just floated there and wouldn't go down, which was unusual for when I "drop the kids off at the pool". Normally they sink to the bottom and that's the last I see of them, but this one didn't want to leave...I think he was trying to tell me something!

When I was a schoolboy I was chatting with someone about "floaters" and they told me that their grandma had told them that poos only float if you're unhealthy. Blimey....and he was right. Apparently poo will float if it has a high gas content or a high fat content!

So Mr Hanky told me that my feeling ill was not only because of a cold virus which had initially started the illness but my over zealous munching of bad things which had exaserbated the situation and maybe added new symptoms. I had to do something.

Yesterday I only ate good things. For lunch I had a Tesco healthy eating Curry, and then for dinner I had pork chops with new potatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots. I made sure I chewed everything instead of gulping it down (this removes the gas) and I removed the small amount of fat from the chop. I did get a bit peckish later on but instead I had a few bananas and a mullerlight yogurt (cherry).

I don't normally look at my poos, unless I'm a bit curious or they won't flush, but today I made an exception and had a peek....Those babies had sunk to the bottom and were flushed without a trace.

Today I'm feeling much better although the effects of the cold are still there a bit but I do feel quite good (maybe it's because the weekend is here almost). I think they vegetables helped out too and also the fruit.

I hope you liked my talk of poo. If this is something on your level then why not check out:

I Gave my Cat an Enema

Rate my Poo



Ginny said...

Christmas must be coming... I see Mr. Hanky is out and about.

Hey Adem, are you going to enter my contest? The last day to enter your photo or story is Saturday.

Pynchon said...

Mine was a bit yellow tonight.

Just thought I would say that.

Lord Bargain said...

Perhaps you should change the name of your journal to the Big Log? (in this instance).

Or The Big Bog, for that matter.

Oh, comedy with language. Or not.

adem said...

Lord B - I'm not aiming to make this blog a purely excretia related site but if I did then cheers for the suggestions!